I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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