Buhtt sex?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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