she woke up with a sticky ear
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
