Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
