if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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