some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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