i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
