when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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