He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
