Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize