The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
