ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
