Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
