you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
