i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
