uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
