I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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