Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
