Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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