There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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