Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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