i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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