My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
