You just made me feel so damn special
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
