In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
