My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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