Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
