so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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