It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
