I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
