I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just high enough for therapy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
