I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
