What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize