I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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