census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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