We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have demons in me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
