My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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