if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
