Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
