guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
