we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
