i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
