I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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