Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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