p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
