if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
