Small penises have feelings too.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
