sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize