its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
