Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
