This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
