no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
