and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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