i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
