I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
