that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
