I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
