Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
