who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize