You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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