Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize