i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
