hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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