I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
