alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
