yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So. Much. Porn.
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