so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize