I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
