So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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